an excerpt

"...Was never voice of ours could say
Our inmost in the sweetest way,
Like yonder voice aloft, and link
All hearers in the song they drink.
Our wisdom speaks from failing blood,
Our passion is too full in flood,
We want the key of his wild note
Of truthful in a tuneful throat;
The song seraphically free
Of taint of personality,
So pure that it salutes the suns
The voice of one for millions,
In whom the millions rejoice
For giving their one spirit voice...."

-George Meredith

an overflow

Matters of the heart are of utmost importance. It's as simple as that. Whether you think it is something large or something small, if it affects your heart, it is important. The heart is the wellspring of life, therefore if anything is troubling it, your life will be automatically affected. Hence, everything that affects the heart is important, no matter its apparent size or grandeur.

Today I got to discuss matters of the heart for hours with one of my best friends in the whole world, and it was INCREDIBLE. It is difficult to express with words how great it felt to be able to sit and talk for hours upon hours upon hours with someone about the things that matter the most. Pure honesty. Raw emotion. Hearts exposed of their struggles, fears, confusion, questions, vulnerability, instability, and need.

I got the pleasure of sitting in a deli/ice cream shop with AJ Jordan for close to 4 hours today - and in that time there was non-stop talking. I couldn't tell you what she got for Christmas, I couldn't tell you anything about the trip she is about to take to Europe for a month, I couldn't tell you anything about the mission trip she just got back from, I couldn't tell you what she ate for breakfast, or what she's doing until she leaves to go overseas, but I could tell you what she has been struggling with the most in the past 6 months, I could tell you things she's been pondering, things she's questioned, her "theories" on life, and other 'matters of the heart.' And I guarantee you she couldn't tell you what Santa Claus brought me, what I've been learning in school, if I've taken up any new hobbies or have any boy interests, but she would hit the nail on the head if you asked her what has been crying out from my heart for the past few days/weeks/months. If you ask her my number one fear, or struggle, or what it is that makes me break down and cry the most lately, or what it is that drives me or what some of the desires of my heart are - she would know. She would know my thoughts on life now, and life in the future...she would know things I've been questioning, she would know what my latest realizations about myself would be. She would know what I'm working to improve, what I am trying to rid myself of, etc. And that, my friends...is comforting.

It is comforting to know that there is someone who is feeling the same thing, who knows the weight of love, who knows the pain a deep longing can bring, who knows something so deep it can't be expressed with words. It is comforting to be able to talk to someone who is struggling with some of the same things, who has some of the same questions, and who truly cares what you are feeling even if no answer or remedy can be given...no matter how big or small it may seem. It was nice to have a listening ear and someone to tell me it was OK to let the tears well up and let myself feel. It was an encouragement to get to sit across the table and know that there was a level of trust and a level of respect and a level of understanding there no matter how long it had been since we have had a meaningful conversation like this. My heart needed to just be able to overflow, and I am thankful for having someone be able to sit across from me and just let me talk and let me listen and let love be spilled over and felt.

We are so similar, AJ and I. Our relationship is so funny, yet so real and so valued. We have so many desires that God has given us that we don't know what to do with or how to act upon them, but it is awesome. No matter how often (or not often) we talk, or how much we see each other it is nice to know that our adventurous spirit, our sense of humor, our charming good looks (joking), and our love for God and meaningful relationships will always bring us together over a bowl of ice cream to share our "matters of the heart."

AJ, thank you for your encouragment. Know that you are in my prayers - and that you will be the first person I call when I figure out this game called "life" we're playing....not that we want to figure it out...because hey, where would the fun or adventure in that be? :-)

I will see you when I see you....and I am looking forward to it.

World, here we come. Running, skipping, walking, crawling, tripping and stumbling all the while....

pondering significance

Tell me if you agree or disagree with this statement:

A very large determinent of significance is time.

Time is an investment....and you invest in things that are significant in your life, right? You make time for it, you want to spend time with it, etc.

For instance: if someone or something is really significant to you, you will spend a lot of time with it or them. You will make time for it. You will want to invest time into them. (and this doesn't have to be face to face time...it could be through the phone or emails or whatever...just putting time or exerting effort to put time into a relationship)

I'm mostly thinking about relationships here, and people, and things of that variety, rather than materialistic "stuff" that may be significant in your life, although I think it pretty much works the same way.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic if you have them. Or if you can think of something that shows someone they are significant in your life that is bigger than time - let me know that also. Thanks.

Bojangles.

God showed me His faithfulness and His grace yesterday in such a crazy, yet amazing way. He definitely knows my heart and cares, and He proved it to me yesterday through a fast-food restaurant. How great is our God?

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts"

-William Shakespeare

a long road

Man, what a whirlwind of a few days -- a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions -- but there is now perhaps more of an understanding, more of an acceptance, and a slightly different outlook on some things. Being alone in a car for awhile, and escaping to be alone with your thoughts and tears while driving is definitely needed and very nice sometimes.

gradu-what??

This is a shout out to my friend Mego, who apparently ritualistically checks this blog without me ever knowing it. Congrats on graduating buddy...glad you made it across that stage more safely than you got across the living room this morning. :-)

just call me G.I. Jane

Well folks, it's official: I am a lean, mean, fighting machine. If you give me a gun, that is. In the past 2 days I've had the chance to shoot 2 pistols...random, I know. Granted, one of them was a fake pistol on a video game at Frankie's Fun Park, but today, for the first time ever I shot a real handgun! Crazy, I know. You're probably asking, who in their right mind would let me hold, let alone shoot a pistol at a target...and well, it was my daddy.

Today we went out in his truck to the old plant where he used to work, because he still does some work out there. It's closed down, and has a ton of land on the Saluda River -- so we were drivin' down through the woods and he looks over and says "you ever shot a pistol?" I respond "no" in which case he says "do you want to?" Of course I wanted to, so we pull down by the river deep into the woods, he gets his pistol and bullets out (yea, I shot a gun with real bullets - it still boggles my mind) and we set up a piece of scrap metal up against some trees. He teaches me how to do it, and then I get to pull the trigger. It was really fun, although weird to hold a thing of such power in my hands.

I had pretty good aim after I got the hang of it...maybe the Frankie's game (which Grant Turner annihilated me, by the way) was good practice. Who knows....all I can say is that there are way more holes in the scrap metal now than there were before I got ahold of that gun. :-)

Well, just wanted to share my big news....but don't worry guys - I'm harmless.

roses are red...

Man, love is a funny thing. I have never experienced anything as vivid or wonderful.

a silent night with loud implications...

"Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ the Savior is born

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus Lord, at Thy birth."

-Joseph Mohr

What beautiful words. Sure, we sing them every time Christmas rolls around, but have you ever stopped and really allowed yourself to dwell on them? Have you really felt them? What an embodiment of the beauty of Christ's birth, of the majesty of His character, of the splendor He truly is. Imagine yourself there; insert yourself into this beautiful picture and let your mind take you back...way back, into this tiny little town called Bethlehem, the night a King was being born..that silent, holy night.

"Black Rock"

"The black rock is where I spend my time
Writing a memory or writing a rhyme
Thinking about what is right or wrong...

Sometimes I just look around to take in the feeling coming out from the ground
But that's just something I do sometimes
And then I just step out the door to take in the wind coming off of the shore
And that's just what I'm doing tonight"
-OAR


Today was my first "official" day of winter break since finishing up exams yesterday, and I knew I wanted to go somewhere today and just be able to sit and relax and think and read and do all of the things that I often feel robbed of during the hectic pace of the semester. I also knew this place I was going to do this had to be outside...somewhere beautiful...somewhere away from noise and away from this everyday world. A sort of safe haven, or my "black rock" as OAR puts it. I haven't been able to roam the city as much as I wish yet since being here - so I didn't exactly know where this place was going to be. I set out to find it today, knowing as I walked out the door with my backpack full of the necessities (pen, notepad, bible, book) on that I may very well not find it this particular day and that today I may have to settle for somewhere a little more "ordinary" since it was the first day of my search.

Boy, was I wrong. After driving around and discovering a little more of ole "Jim Island," as my grandmother likes to call it, I finally stumbled across my black rock. It couldn't have been any more perfect. As soon as I got settled, I pulled out my notepad and began to write...here is an excerpt from what I scribbled down:

'Serenity. The word that comes to mind as I lay here in the sand. The ocean in front of me beautifully pounding the rocks. No sound but the crash they make as they hit and splatter 5 feet in the air. An old lighthouse standing strong out in the ocean, yet looking tired and faded by the salt and sunlight. I am laying up in the dunes. My feet stretched out in front of me with a little sand on the tips of my tennis shoes as a mark of the walk to get here. My back leans against a dune and is more comfortable than any sofa could ever be. Nature. It is beautiful. The tall grass is blowing in the breeze around me....there is a purple haze breaking the canopy of blue that is extending up from the ocean that turns into a deeper blue as it crawls upward. Way up in the sky are the white ones, streaking and fluffy. The sun is behind me, a sign that the day will be coming to a close shortly. I can feel the chill of the sand on my back as it penetrates the thickness of my sweatshirt. Silence rolls along with the ocean. How did I get so lucky as to stumble upon this little piece of heaven? I surely have been blessed.'

Their is a little more scribbled upon the pages of my notebook, mostly including how great it is to get to experience the fullness of the universe that our awesome God created, and how that, in my opinion, is living. Letting yourself experience God's creation and just being filled with His glory as you breathe in the salty, damp air.

I encourage you all to find your own little "black rock," whether it be in your backyard or up in a tree (which would be REALLY cool...I wanted to find a cool tree to go climb and sit in today soo badly, but I haven't found the perfect one yet) or in a coffee shop somewhere...anywhere that you can go escape from the lull of your everyday life and experience the fullness of our Lord in a way that is a little out of the ordinary for you. It's nice. Trust me.

beautiful tears...

I got to experience something really beautiful today. I got the pleasure of listening to my two best friends cry. You may be thinking, "did you say 'beautiful,' Katie?" Yes...beautiful. No, I don't like that either of them were brought to tears, nor do I enjoy in the slightest when either of their hearts feel even a twinge of pain - but to be able to listen to their hearts overflow...and feel their raw emotion...and be able to hurt with them, or be lonely with them, or broken with them was amazing. To have friends in your life that you care about so much that you hurt when they hurt is such an amazing gift from God. To have friends in your life who aren't scared to let you see their tears (or hear them, in these cases, since it was over the phone), and who willingly share them with you is simply...beautiful. Each of them had completely different situations, completely different reasons for the tears, and were in completely different parts of the country.....but having the pleasure of knowing each of their hearts so well to be able to understand where they were coming from - and to be able to have the opportunity to be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on was simply beautiful. Though tears streaming down a face aren't particularly welcomed on all occassions by those whose cheeks are being stained....they are welcomed on my shoulder any day they are needed to be cried.

bitter sweet

My best friend lives in LA now. Talk about tough to swallow sometimes.

the chill. the glow. life at its fullest.

tonight i felt alive. really alive. i went outside on my dock on this freezing cold, crystal clear night and let myself feel. i let the wind chill me to the core and sweep across my face without trying to hide from it. i watched the stars dance across the water and shine brilliantly on the pitch black canopy above like little pin holes punched in the sky. i breathed in the cold, and let it fill my lungs deeply...i let it awaken my insides.

i got out of this overwhelming, sometimes deafening, deadening life and let myself feel. i had to get out of the rat race, away from the starbucks, the music, the superficiality, the standards. Away from the crowds, the traffic lights, the politics.

there are no expectations when you're with the stars. no deadlines. no noise.

There is life. Thriving life.

Simply.

Yes, I am a nerd.

Big News: I now have a favorite muscle. I'm sure most people reading this may not be too enthused, but it's a pretty exciting thing for me. You see, here in nerd-ville (aka: medical school) people tend to "adopt" a favorite muscle, disease, bone, nerve, etc...that just really excites them, or whatever. I've been lacking in this "favorite" department for a few months now, and welp, tonight I've discovered that my favorite muscle is (drum roll please......) the Palmaris Brevis. I think I like it so much because it makes just makes me laugh. Seriously, I laughed for a long time tonight over this thing. It just seems so non-functional and just....i dunno...great. I think I'll make this an interactive blog. Right now as you're reading I'd like for you to pick up your right hand and look at your palm. For real - do it. OK, now, right where your wrist meets your hand there is a crease and your palmaris brevis is located just above that crease on the pinky side of your hand. If you move your pinky finger a little bit you can kind of see this muscle flex a little -- it's just a tiny little triangle type muscle that's maybe like an inch and a half by an inch and a half big. crazy huh? One of its official actions is to "corrugate the skin of the palm" (this helps with grip....slightly) - but seriously, I think they just say that to make it feel important, so its feelings won't get hurt amongst all the other big-bad muscles of the hand. This isn't the greatest picture in the world, but you can check out the cause of all this excitement by going here - and seeing just what makes me smile so much. Enjoy!

SIMPLY AMAZING

hushed

Wrapped in a blanket
A blanket of green
Words come easy
When they’re not from my mouth
They swirl in the dark,
In the glow --
Untouched, yet….felt.

sparks inside
grow into wild fires
unstoppable, unquenchable
irreversible
strong and wild
consuming
the orange glow captures the eye
the dancing flame is so beautiful
the warmth surrounds
entrances
amazes
...destroys?

cereal

breakfast is the most fantastic meal ever invented. seriously. it's absolutely amazing at any time of the day, and i'd almost venture to say that having breakfast food at dinner time is even better than eating it in the morning.

thismorning i was enjoying a bowl of frosted flakes (they were delicious, I might add), and as I was preparing it just right, I began to wonder how everybody else eats their cereal. I know everyone has their preferences --- a lot of milk, no milk, a tiny bit of milk. They like their cereal to be wet when they eat it, or soggy, or they want the top half dry and the bottom half wet. Some like big bowls, some like big spoons, or little spoons...some drink the milk, some people think that's one of the grossest things ever.

Personally, I have to use a big spoon when I eat cereal - and I prefer to not eat it out of a bowl. I like it better when it's in a big mug for some reason -- or if it is a bowl, a deep bowl - not any of those lil' shallow soup bowls. I use a good bit of milk (skim usually - sometimes soy - sometimes 1/2%), almost filled up to the top of my cereal. After the milk is poured, I proceed to get every piece of cereal wet with milk. I don't like it soggy, it's just got to be wet, so I kinda mix it up a little bit until there is sufficient milk coverage on each flake/puff/loop/etc. Then, I indulge...and usually finish it off by drinking what's left of the the milk at the end.

There ya have it folks...Katie's cereal eating tactic.

Now the question is...how do you prefer your cereal? Enlighten me. :-)

an all too often occurence

a very sad and disturbing statistic i just learned:

"sexual abuse occurs in 1 of every 3 girls under the age of 14, and 1 out of every 7 boys."

wow. i knew it was bad, but not that bad. that's quite an eye opener.

something seems a lil' fishy.

I get to eat sushi tonight....YAAAAAAAAAY!

all smiles

This past weekend was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

I got to see Shane and Shane, David Crowder Band, and the Robbie Seay Band on Friday night (3 of my favorites in the world) - along with hangout w/ Bri, and see AJ and Sara Prothro and some other fun people that I haven't gotten to see in awhile. It was almost like a little sliver of Clemson served right there in Columbia for a short while.

I got to hangout with my family, and give my nephew piggy back rides, and see my cousins cheerleading competition.

But aside from the things that I "did" - it was the things that weren't necessarily supposed to be "entertaining" that were the best times of all. I got to browse for guitars, and CDs, and t-shirts; and sit in Barnes and Noble with Bri -- have coffee -- read -- write -- and just "be." Those are some of my favorite times in the world. The times where you are doing nothing at all- but couldn't be any more content or happy.

There is a sense of freedom that comes with spending time with a best friend...with sitting and saying nothing...and knowing that you can say anything. There is an understanding...a comfort... a security...a peace. I wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. They are times that you have to force yourself to leave when it's time for you to go...the times you could always think of one more thing to say, or have one more hug to give if it would mean you got to stay a minute longer, because you know that the second you walk out the door there will be a longing to go back.

A funny thing just happend. My neuroscience professor puts up quotes on the board before every class - and the one today I liked a lot - and it pertains slightly to a recent post.

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."

-Benjamin Disraeli

As an aside to the previous post – I’d like to throw out another wish….I wish I had more time to think. Seriously --- I feel like all I think about these days is school, and that my brain never gets a chance for free thinking. Everybody needs a little free style action in their life…or well, that’s my vote at least.

Cross your fingers that the next time we speak I actually have intelligent, fun, thoughts and I am able to express them adequately --- if it happens it’ll be a miracle. Haha.

Emersed in Green...

I wish I could talk like I used to be able to. Really. I used to be able to coherently share my thoughts and feelings and opinions with people on a regular basis – but it seems these days that it has gotten harder to do.

I have all these thoughts inside of my head with seemingly nowhere to go. I told Bri today, that I feel like only about 30% of my thoughts actually come out of my mouth to be shared with the world --- I wish it was a little higher of a number. Not that the majority of my thoughts are important or profound, nor would many, if anybody, care to know them – I just wish that it was a little easier to do. I find it almost impossible to get them out. I just can’t seem to wrap words around them…

I have these perfectly coherent thoughts….thoughts that linger in my head for minutes or even hours at a time. I sort through them, sift around in my brain for awhile, expand upon them, negate them, and all those sorts of things – but when it comes time to verbalize anything I seem to talk myself in circles, lose my train of thought, and just flat out stumble through awkwardly. It’s hard to understand….

I think that somewhere along the way recently, my thoughts got linked to my emotions – two things that had been kept apart for oh so long. My emotions have been kept locked up tight in this vault for a very long time, and to be honest, it’s sometimes hard to understand why they seep out at the times they do. Emotions are a big time thing for me…they mean I feel…and when I feel there is a sense of vulnerability; a fear of being hurt; or not being able to seem like the strong individual I am often perceived of being. Granted, I’m pretty sure that this isn’t the only reason for my “lisping, stammering tongue” as Andrew Peterson likes to call it, but perhaps it is a contributor. I’m OK with it though – because life isn’t worth living unless you allow yourself to feel…and I’d much rather have trapped thoughts than a lifeless heart.

breathe in the cool air - let it fill your lungs completely...purely. let your eyes focus on the glow. empty yourself. be surrounded by darkness - let your feet get cold and wet. drift. get lost. be found. breathe deeply.....escape.

sometimes you just have to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle...

Wow.

I just want to toss out there how absolutely amazing it is to have someone tell you that they trust you with their heart....freely. That's huge.

bikes are fun.

Bike + Charleston + Sunny Day = FABULOUS.

So today Mike and I went and rode bikes around downtown and on Sullivan's Island for a good 4 hours or so. It was amazing. We rode by the water on the battery, down at waterfront park, around the college of charleston, down King Street, to Washington Park, some awesome back roads, out around Fort Moultrie, etc. etc. etc. We even stopped in an art gallery and talked to this awesome painter guy who was just opening up his new gallery and was lovin' life (he was a phenomenal painter, as well as a really down to earth, fun guy and I will definitely be returning to his gallery soon). Apparently they're having some big art festival thing, too - and so there were 40 some-odd people around the city on the streets w/ their canvas and paint, painting different Charleston landscapes, buildings, etc. that will be judged at a big show tomorrow night that is free to the public that I want to go to soooo bad. We stopped and talked to a girl who was painting a view from Church street, and she even let Mike add to her masterpiece by painting some of a tree. Needless to say, it was a great time, and I really really want a bike now. :-)

It was nice to be able to just chill and discover new parts of Charleston...and I've come to the consensus that this place is straight up awesome (and so are really really long bike rides).

I would wait for you for forever
if I thought that you wanted me to wait

question.

if you read this, please give me your thoughts - even if it's just a one word response. It's been on my mind tonight.

Is it selfish to allow your feelings to get hurt (by situational events)?

good times.

several reasons why this weekend was so fantastic:

a. I was in Clemson (you can't get much better than that)
b. I got to drive through the country
c. I got to share a bed with two of my best friends
d. I got to ride on a motorcycle for the first time ever
e. I got to ride on that motorcycle behind a pretty great guy
f. I got to go to NewSpring which pretty much rocks my world
g. I got to see an incredible football game
h. I got to have a LI with Bri...sort of.
i. I got to have really great phone conversations with 2 of my best friends (not ones i shared a bed with) on the drive back to Charleston
j. I got to have lunch w/ my mom and nephew on the way to Clemson
k. USC got waxed by Alabama :-)
l. I got to play touch football with some of my classmates
m. I saw brownies made in a frying pan
n. I saw some good friends I haven't gotten to talk to in a while (sleeve, stark, etc.)
o. I got to watch the game with my dad
p. Ancheaux's
q. I was in Clemson
r. I was in Clemson
s. I was in Clemson
t. I didn't have to be here studying....

Can't wait to get back there -

can you see the face in the moon?

in the car
with my feet on the dash
the world seems to fade into the distance.
the windows are down
and the wind sweeps the worries away.
no, not the wind...
it was hands....hands took them....held them safe...
carried them.
sitting....driving....
feet on the dash
being carried away.
by hands.
by touch.
words speak volumes
often silence is even louder.
sometimes tears fall...
but as long as there is a face in the moon
there will always be hands to carry your worries away.

How great is this? Thanks Bri, for sharing.

"Don't
Surrender
Your lonliness so quickly.
Let it cut more
Deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so
Tender,

My need of God
Absolutely
Clear."

-Hafiz

a battleground?

tonight i've been thinking about the heart. i have heard it said that the heart has reasons that reason cannot know, and if you have ever experienced love - you can vouch with me that this statement is true. the heart is unexplainable and immeasurable, for sure, but tonight for some reason thoughts of the heart being a battleground have been in the forefront of my mind. in my almost 22 years of life, i have found nothing more beautiful than the human heart - perhaps because of it's simplistic complexities, but also becuase of the constant battle that is going on inside the heart, for the heart, in spite of the heart, etc. i wish i could say more of these thoughts right now, but it is late and i am sleepy and i'm afraid this post will become incoherant. if you have any thoughts - feel free to share 'em - I'd love to hear. perhaps i will share more later...for now though, i'm out.
keep fighting the beautiful fight.

Ficticious Calamities

suddenly shakin' on the inside
it's hard to slow it down
crazy quivering
I can feel it
Charging at my everything.
It's real.
The cause is not.
Ficticious calamities...that's all they are.
Subsiding under the weight of your wings...
Subsiding under the weight of Your wings.

not much of anything..."y'all"

I think I haven't written in awhile due to the fact that I can't even come close to knowing where to begin. There is so much to say, and so much to not say all at the same time. I don't think an internet blog is the place to put all your emotions, or heart necessarily -- some of that is kept for myself...and one or two others who I am able to pour my heart out to, and be honest and real with. So yea, guess that's a lot of the reason I haven't made a real post lately.

Break is over - it's back to the real world grind now. it was nice to have some time off, that's for sure. I kinda wish it didn't have to end just yet....

I wish I was really great with words like my friend Bri. But, words aren't coming to me right now, and I have nothing profound to say, so I'm gonna close. Hope y'all are doing well (and when I say "y'all" I mean anyone who ever reads this...which I'm pretty sure is no one, but I use the term anyway because I'm a southerner).

Peace.

a beggar

I wish.


I need.


please....

Goodmorning.

Thismorning I gained a renewed appreciation for the following things that have gotten lost this summer:

-having time to enjoy your breakfast on the porch - man, that makes a morning 10 times better

-the fall season. it was actually "crisp" (i love that word) outside thismorning, and felt absolutely wonderful - bring on the season change.

-being able to enjoy and appreciate the outside --- i need to go camping, and hangout in the woods...soon.

-being able to sit and relax (in my sweatpants) and read and have nothing imminent weighing on my mind or rushing me.

mercy reigns

mercy reigns
by shane barnard


"she hides her face, it seems too good
for Your embrace to find her
and say, "my dove, your voice is sweet
show me your form... your form is lovely"

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mecy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mecy falls
and rises with the sun

its new every morning
its new every morning
its good enough for me

no ear has heard a melody
as sweet as yours for her
it seems too good, so undeserved
my heart faints now, for we are her

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

I will abide in Your love, Your love"

"My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely." Song of Solomon 2:14

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Wow, how encouraging is that? His mercy is good enough for me....even me...so undeserving. His mercies are new EVERY morning, as hard as it seems to fathom. What an amazing God.

Here's some more really great scripture for you to drink up...be encouraged. Our God consumes us with a perfect love - allow yourself to embrace it.

"I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to THE ONE WHO SEEKS HIM; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord....For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is his UNFAILING love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.....Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Let us lift up our hearts and our hands to God in heaven...."
Lamentations 3:24-41 (w/ ommissions)

why is it that there is always a sense of hope?

money money money money

So my friend Matt made a post about money. It got me thinking, so I commented on his post. Here is what I said:

"I couldn't agree more...money is so trivial so often...yet there is so much emphasis put on it, it often makes me sick. Have you ever seen the MTV show "Sweet 16?" I've seen it once (and only once for a reason), and it made me ashamed to live in America with these people. Seriously. 16 year old girls having birthday parties that cost thousands...even millions of dollars. You have got to be kidding me. There are too many people suffering for their to be this much wealth in our country. We seem to be becoming more and more greedy...but I'm not sure if their is a way to open people's eyes. Do you think there is? I, like you, hope that money will never blur my vision of reality so much that I cease to see those in need. I am not saying I am the greatest philanthropist in the world, or that I even come close to my part of helping people out the way that I should...and a lot of that is due to the fact that I myself am struggling to make it through school...but I can only pray that my eyes won't become blind to the things that matter most. People."

What do you think? Do you think we, as Americans, have become so greedy that there is essentially "no turning back?" Are our mindsets so skewed that we have blinders on that keep out all the 'bad stuff' in our society? I know people always say "the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer" but I don't necessarily agree. I don't necessarily think it's due to what political party occupies the White House, but the pure fact that our society has become so individualistic and so greedy. We have failed to see those suffering around us for so long, and there are people basically drowning in nothingness, that we don't even know where to begin, so we overlook them. We don't see people as people anymore, but as investments. What can they do for us? The poor aren't necessarily getting poorer, because honestly, when you have nothing how can you lose even more (materialistically speaking); and the "rich" aren't getting "richer" per se..they are just getting selfish.

so...don't get selfish.

that's my spill for now...

y'all have a good one.

Go Outside.

I am convinced that one of the greatest things in the world you can do for yourself is to go outside.

The End.

A hearts desire...

Missing someone is tough.
It is a hearts longing unfulfilled.

I miss my roomates. SO much.
They were my family...
my strength...
my encouragement...
my smiles...

I miss coming home to them everyday and getting hugs from each and every one of them. I miss lying on their beds for countless hours doing absolutely nothing but being with each other. I miss the late night conversations. I miss the early morning antics. I miss the dance parties, the singing, the random dress-ups, the cooking episodes, the pumpkin carvings, the poker games, the tv shows, the cigar smoking, the stocking decorating, the mural paintings, the holes in the walls, the "landscaping," the plumbing (wait, I just miss the plumbers...), the wrestling, the cuddling, the sharing, the studying...everything.

As my beautiful roomate Carla put it:

"its hard to miss someone so much and yet not be able to see or talk to them because you are on two completely different schedules.

its hard to read about someone who is so important to you work out so many things and have so many fears and not be able to run and hug them and lay on their bed and just be.

its hard to be changing and growing and be fearful oneself and not have someone who knows you just be there to talk to you and encourage you.

its hard to grow up."

I have been blessed with the most amazing friends I could have ever asked for or imagined. I got the opportunity to live in community with 6 of the most amazing, beautiful girls I have ever met in my life.

Aside from those I got the pleasure of living with, were my girls in the ole 377J. My home away from home. A place of refuge...a place of quiet (sometimes)...a place of comfort...a place of fun, and really good music. :-) Girls with hearts of gold. INCREDIBLE friends I wish I could have met so much earlier. My life was so far from complete until I met you...you have taught me so much, and loved me so much, and been SO incredibly amazing in my life.

To each of you...I miss you. It is a true desire of my heart to be able to spend time with you and see your hearts. I absolutely cannot wait to be able to do so. Until then, know how much you are loved.

"As I look off into the distance
Watching the sun roll on by
Beautiful colors all around me,
Painted all over the sky
The same hands that created all of this
They created you and I...
What a BEAUTIFUL God"

trembling and empty
courage trying to break through
fighting an endless fight
between my heart and my head
endless tears
unmasking fears
i never realized i had
silence penetrates
the deepest of deep
i try to run
but there is no escape
to save me from myself

calm of the storm

The rain is pounding outside tonight.
The cool drops are refreshing though.
The wind for some reason seems calming.
I want to go stand in it...
saturate myself...
enjoy its freedom.

Instead though, I will just fall asleep peacefully to the sound of it right outside of my window...there are few things better in life.

Goodnight.

a smile awaits

Only 3 days until Friday...
Until escape...
Until prodigality...
Until Clemson.

water spiders

so i'm sitting outside on my dock right now. it's so nice out here - it's dusk, so it's cooling down outside and a deep blue/gray color seems to be surrounding everything. the crickets are chirping pretty loud, the birds are still singing, and i can hear the frogs croaking too. a raccoon just walked up and stood about 3 feet away from me (a rather frightening experience), my dad just cut the grass a few hours ago, so the smell of fresh cut grass is in the air...wow i love it. i love the outside.

i was just sitting here "studying" and among the vastness of the sky and the water around me i noticed the tiny little water spiders gliding ever so smoothly across the surface of the pond. that's when it hit me...

so often we look beyond the "small" things in life. they are so easy to overlook if we want to -- we can focus our attention on the big picture, on the things that "matter" so much, on the things that are so beautiful and breathtaking, that we forget about the little things that might not be so great to look upon, or might not be so breathtaking, or might seem insignificant...but they are there. they will always be there - and we can choose to notice them or not. They, like the water spiders are easily seen if we just look...look closely at our surroundings. we forget about the homeless man who doesn't have a bed to sleep in tonight, we forget about the kid in africa who was born with AIDS and is seemingly wasting away in an orphanage full of children just like him, we forget about the single mom with 3 kids who is working 2 jobs in order to put food on the table, we overlook the elderly who have so much to offer but in our eyes seem so insignificant. we overlook the things in life we choose to overlook - the things that might not be quite so prominent or that might not be quite so wonderful to look upon. but they are there...they are created in the image of Christ...they are beautiful. Don't forget to notice them...gaze upon them....love them...no matter how small they seem in our eyes.

a heart that is....

I had so many things I wanted to write on here when I thought about it 5 seconds ago, but between then and typing in the web address they somehow left me. I hate when that happens.

But you know what I love? I love having a heart that is content. I know that circumstancially I'm not supposed to be content all of the time - but having a content heart is completely different. Circumstancially today, I couldn't have been more content. I got to spend time with one of the most amazing people in the world. Someone who's shear presence makes my heart more content than it was in the moments before I was with them. Someone who I can share my heart with purely, who I can be real with, who I can be confident that they are going to be real right back. Those circumstances helped to aide in a more content heart - but I'm still not there, and I can't get there by myself. God has allowed my heart to be unsettled right now for a reason - a reason that I'm not sure of but excited to see why. Maybe I won't ever know why...maybe I will. I'm not sure...I just hope that I will learn a lot from it. It's not very fun going through it...and not knowing why there is discontentment - but I can only pray that Christ will be glorified through it....and through me while it lasts.

study...learn

Pull back my skin, expose my skull, open my mind, and pour the information inside.

Drink it. Guzzle it. Down it.

Soak it up so I can squeeze it out.

Pour it out.

Spew it.

Learn.

a little of this, a little of that.

well, I have my first 2 official tests next week. crazy. i feel like i have so much to study for them both. do you ever feel like you have a list a mile long that you will never catch up to? that's kinda how i'm feeling right now. there's just so much material to learn...but i guess that's what i'm here for right? classes are going well thusfar, and i'm still enjoying what i'm learning, so that's a good thing.

I ran on the battery last night at sunset...it was really nice. it was one of the first times i've really felt like charleston is really my home now. it was neat. there was a steady breeze blowing and the water was gorgeous...it was nice to get out and get movin'. i'm going to try and do that a lot more often.

i had my first cadaver lab tonight. for those of you who might not know what that is, it's the disection of humans. i know it sounds kind of gorry, but it's really not that bad...it definitely aides big time in learning. it was a good time - but there was definitely some information overload. we had 15 minutes per body and there were like 6 stations i think. being in there with so many exposed deceased bodies made me think a lot about a lot of different things...of which i might expound upon later, but not now.

for now i will resume my studies....while laying in the bed w/ the lights off...haha - betcha this won't last long.

It's been awhile...

Hello hello...

It's been awhile, and since the last post I've made I have found myself in a new environment, a new home, a new school, new people, and new beginnings. It's been a journey thusfar, but one in which I am glad I am able to travel upon.

I'm sitting on my back porch right now, my favorite place I've found in this big city. It's so peaceful, so quiet, so beautiful. I am no more than 20 yards from the marsh, which looks out upon acres and acres of beautiful wetlands. I think I love it at night the most, when the moon reflects off of the water practically close enough for me to touch. I feel a little freer from life when I'm out here. Some mornings I come out here and just sit for a little while and watch the sun peak out. I sit, and sometimes pray, and sometimes read, but mostly I just sit. It smells of salt, and the air is thick...and I love it. It is alive out here.

I say it's been a journey since I've been here - and it has. It's been hard at times, easy at times, I've loved it at times, I've longed to go back in time to another place, I've hung out with awesome people, and longed for those a little more familiar. I've been busy beyond belief, confused, overwhelemed, void of thought, lonely, comforted and encouraged.

School is hard and will only get harder. It's Friday afternoon, and I should be studying. I don't know if I've ever studied on a Friday afternoon in my life. Things are going to change, that's for sure. I love it though. I love the classes I'm in - the lectures I hear - the things I'm being taught and trying to absorb. It's just so much, so fast. I am already getting frustrated that it is so difficult, and some things are hard for me to understand. I have already gotten the feelings of doubt, and the feelings that I'm not smart enough to be here, or that I won't make it. I try not to entertain those for too long. I want to be here. I want to learn this stuff. I want to be able to comprehend it and keep up with it and understand it completely. It will definitely take hard work though, which is very hard to do when I feel like I am so exhausted sometimes. I'm sure I will get used to the workload soon enough, though - and be more at ease with the coursework.

The people I've met so far have been fantastic. My class has 54 people in it, all of which I will be getting to know very well over the next 3 years, I'm sure. I'm excited about that. I love knowing people...where they've been in life, what they've experienced, where they want to go, their thoughts, their ideas and their passions. It will be fantastic. There are people from all over the country in my class, too. People from Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, California, Alabama, Maryland, North Carolina, Louisiana, Georgia, and I can't even remember where all. I've already told Brian I am going home with him at some point, so I can visit Chicago and maybe see a Cubs game. Good stuff.

I miss my other fantastics. I hate not being able to know what's going on in everyone's lives. I haven't talked to some of my best friends in two weeks. Carla got a job in DC, and I haven't been able to even be excited with her, yet. That aspect really stinks. I'm just so exhausted and have so much hanging over my head when I get home at night that I don't feel like I can talk to anyone...and during the daytime I don't have any minutes to use to call people and catch up. This weekend I am going to try and catch up on returning the many phonecalls I've gotten, and take advantage of the good ole Free Weekend system. So, if you called me and I haven't gotten back in touch with you - I apologize.

I'm reading an incredible book, by the way, called "A Million Pieces". Bri recommended it to me, and it's hard to put down. I wish I had more time to read it - but the past few days it has been my down time escape. It's about a man trying to overcome his alcohol and drug addictions - and his experiences in rehab. I love the way it's written - I love the content of it - I love just love it. It's a little rough around the edges, so I don't recommend it if you don't like foul language, or very graphic descriptions of things.

OK - I would love to write more, but med term is calling my name - so I should go work on school stuff for a little while. I will try to post more often, but I can't make many guarantees as of late. If you don't mind, please say a prayer for me if you could...that'd be awesome.

PS: Does salty air hurt new laptops? That's right...a brand new laptop was given to me, how nice is that? I absolutely love it. But I don't want to ruin it - so if you know anything about computers, and you think I shouldn't sit out here with it for so long, let me know - I don't want to screw anything up, or beat it up after only a week.

Love you guys --
Peace....

"Crash"

"What's missing in LA is the sense of touch. Everyone is always behind metal and glass. WE CRASH JUST SO WE CAN FEEL SOMETHING."

In a universe in which it seems like we're all racist puppets, Paul Haggus (not sure if that's how you spell his last name) displays through a series of entertwined events, people, and car crashes, how much racisim really effects everyone, on a daily basis. In my opinion, Haggus does an excellent job of showing this perspective from all angles....which is definitely hard to do, when making a movie about a topic of this magnitude.

This movie is a must-see, and actually, I wish that it could be a requirement that everyone in America be made to watch it. Whether it would help in the problematic racial mindset that so many people are stuck in, I don't know...but maybe it would at least open some people's eyes to the extent of its prevelance.

So yea...if you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend you do. And I hope you're lucky enough to watch it with someone as great as I got to sit by to watch it.....then, my friends, it will be a time that will not be forgotten.

love.

spanglish

I wish my feet didn't have to hit the floor tonight.
It's nights like these that make it hard for me to leave...

love.

I heart music.

So, can I tell you how much I love music? I really do. I could listen to music all day everyday, I think. Sometimes I wish that life was like the movies where their was constant background music playing as your mood changes, or as the scenery changes or as a sort of foreshadowing of events. Sometimes I have that background music in my head. Or someone will say a certain word or phrase, and automatically a new song will pop into my head. That always makes me smile when that happens...good thing it happens often. I love how their can be so much emotion packed into a single song...so much feeling...so much passion. I love how a song can come on and change your mood in an instant. Or bring up a memory...whether it be a fond one or a not so great one. I love how some songs can make you think. I love how some songs can take away every care you have in the world for that 4 minutes you listen to it. I love how music can sometimes distract my thinking...maybe that's a bad thing. I love crying when I hear certain songs, and cheesin' real big when I hear others. Goodness....isn't it just great???

God is really cool.

Today one of my best friends made a big decision she's been struggling to make for a few weeks. You have no idea how exciting it is to see how God worked in that decision...and to know that it wasn't really her thought processes at all that was the turning point - but completely and utterly God's hand that did all the work. It was definitely awesome and I'm so super pumped to hear the relief in her voice and to know that there is a huge weight now off her shoulders. Wow...exciting. It's kinda crazy how God can teach you things. Even through things that aren't your struggles or difficulties. God has shown me a lot and taught me a lot through a situation that wasn't even my own. Superb.

I think I am about to go drive around and watch the sunset....and perhaps try to snag a few good pictures of it while I'm out there. Clemson sunsets are absolutely beautiful - so I'm going to try to catch as many as I can, and truly enjoy them before I have to go.

A thought to depart with:

"The Kingdom belongs to people who aren't trying to look good or impress anybody, even themselves. They are not plotting how they can call attention to themselves, worrying about how their actions will be interpreted or wondering if they will get gold stars for their behavior."

Let me know your thoughts on that if you will - I have mine, but also talk myself in circles sometimes concerning it. Perhaps I'll share mine some other time, but now the sunset calls....

I can't think of a title for this one.

Alot has been going on lately, it seems. I wish I could have posted more, but I just never seemed to sit down and write. Funny, huh? I mean, what do I really do with all of my time? It is occupied somehow, that's for sure. Now I can't remember what all I had to say, but I'll recap some nice things that have occurred as of late.

This past week was good. I worked 4 of the 5 days, and the day I didn't work I went shopping in Commerce with my mom. She's pretty awesome. She does things like put my favorite gum in packages that she sends up for me to find. And she bought me some clothes...that was nice.

I saw the sunrise some this week - and the one morning I was going to deliberately watch it rise, and completely focus on Christ, and the beauty of His creation, and His might and majesty it was AMAZING. There was bright pink just pouring over the trees, then the sun came up slowly but surely, as it always does, and it was just incredible. God is cool like that...I feel like He knew I was going to be watching and was going to try to completely glorify Him that morning - and He was like, "check this out...this is amazing...and I think you are even more amazing than this sunrise." It was nice.

So, I start school in Charleston exactly one month from today. CRAZY.

I got to have a bikini dance party in my room this week with Carla and Leslie...it was hillarious and wonderful. Ah, the memories. Then we all laid on the beds and fell asleep. Also that day, there was a bird in our house. Yep...INSIDE our house. We had to open the windows upstairs b/c the air conditioner had to thaw out....and yea, a bird wanted to come in and hangout w/ us apparently. I saw it, and kinda screamed a lil', and it flapped its way on outside again. Life at 1396 is always interesting, I tell you. Live birds and the sort. Oh yea, and there was also some kind of varmot outside this week...maybe a groundhog or something, standing on it's hind legs in our driveway. It was HUGE....at least 3 feet tall when standing erect. I drove up, and seriously thought it was a statute in our driveway and someone was playing a joke on us. Then it got on all 4's and scurried under Meghan's car...then Laynes....then waddled on back into the bushes. I laughed real hard at that, too. It was an interesting greeter to come home to after work.

We had a tornado at work on Friday. I had to sit in the hall for an hour w/ my class...it was hailing, and the power was off and on, and it was nuts at ole Pickens High School. Don't worry though, folks....all is well, and I am safe.

This weekend has been great. I had a hot date last night with Mr. Grant Turner. We went to Meghan and Matt's wedding shower, then to downtown greenville to hangout for a little while with Sleeve and Danny. It was a good time. Today I got to sit down and talk about life with one of the most amazing people in the world, Brianne Siciliano. I always love every second of that - and of course it was incredible today as always. Then I got to eat Arby's and Sullivan's desert with my wonderful roomate Erin Mathis....which is always a pleasure. Then I got to go hangout downtown with a fun bunch of folks, including the two mentioned previous, and Lindsay Koeper, and PJ, and Zach and Sean, and some other super cool people.

I have had some really good reflection time today. Some time to think. To deliberate. To listen. To give advice. To love. It's been nice. Really nice. I have the greatest friends ever. I'm not ready to leave them.

Well, I'm off to bed...
Goodnight...
PEACE.

ouch.

I don't feel so hot.
Do you ever feel like someone has a really tight grip around your brain and they won't stop squeezing? Yea, that's the feeling I have right now. Yikes.
Bri had the same headache tonight.
We went to Greenville - me and Bri and Lindsay.
I love those girls. I really do. They are absolutely wonderful, in every sense of the word.
I'm sitting in my pajamas now. With the overhead light off and a dim lamp on, with Patty Griffin playing quietly in the background. It's relaxing.
I'm about to lay in my bed and read some more of the "Ragamuffin Gospel" until I fall asleep.
I may only get through 1 page. I'm sleepy.
My eyes are getting heavy.
Goodnight to all.

"In the middle of the night
The world turns with all of it's might
A little diamond colored blue."
-Patty G.

life is good.

Today is absolutely beautiful. I'm sitting now in my room with the windows open, looking at the sunlight beaming through, and feeling the nice breeze...while listening to a few tunes, of course. NICE.

I walked around campus today for the first time all semester. It was weird. I didn't feel like a student. I guess it's because I'm not. I went to do some scholarship stuff, and had to go use a computer lab, as well as get a teacher recommendation - so off to campus I went. I walked from Sirrine over to Bracket - where I saw my friend Margaret, who was one of my best friends in High School, but whom I rarely see since we've come to college - and I saw my buddy PJ. I got to chat with them both for awhile, which is always a pleasure. Then off to Edwards I trekked. To be such a familiar walk, it seemed strangely unfamiliar. I felt out of place for some reason.
As soon as I walked in the door of edwards though, it was like I was home again. I know it's weird - but it's true. I spent so much of the past two years in that building, that as soon as the doors opened, and the smell surrounded me, it felt normal again. It was nice.

I am going to miss this campus. It's close to perfect here. I drove past Bowman and of course, there were hundreds of people playing soccer and frisbee and football and volleyball. I walked under the shade trees behind Fort Hill. I thought about my time here - and how I will be leaving in less than a month. It's crazy to think. In ways I feel like I've already left, but parts of me don't want to let go.

I don't want to let go of the people who have made my time here so wonderful. I don't want to let go the amazing spring days, or the football games. I don't want to let go of the many weekday nights I've spent on the intramural fields playing the things I love with all of my best friends and teamates for 4 years whom I've come to know so well. I don't want to let go of the serenity this place offers me. The beauty. The peace.

I love it here, but I know it's time to go. I'm ready to start something new - be in a new place - meet new people - start over again. Yea, I'm a little nervous - but I'm excited all at the same time. I am a much different person leaving, than I was 4 years ago when I came in. That makes me excited. I have found myself...for the most part. I know more now what makes my heart beat. What really matters to me in life. I have become more open minded. I have learned what love really is...or well, I think. Honestly, I don't remember much from the books I've read or the classes I've taken - but to me, that's not what's important in life. I've tried to love God, and love people. I've tried lived life to the full and I've taken the time to enjoy it. It's too short to not do those things.

Actually, I'm going to go do that now. You should too. Go outside. Breathe the air, smell the grass, look at the blue sky, listen to the birds. Let the wind brush your cheeks, and be reminded of God's grace. Be thankful. Be content. Be still. Be joyful. And enjoy life.

Much love...

things that make you go hmmm...and things that don't.

I saw the movie Hotel Rwanda the other night. It was really good. Pretty thought provoking, and emotionally wrenching. I highly recommend that you see it if you haven't - and if you haven't here's a small synopsis:

Paul Rusesabagina, a Hutu hotel manager married to a Tutsis woman housed and saved over a thousand Tutsis refugees during their struggle against the Hutu militia in Rwanda. In 1994, some of the worst atrocities in the history of mankind took place in the country of Rwanda--and in an era of high-speed communication and round the clock news, the events went almost unnoticed by the rest of the world. In only three months, one million people were brutally murdered.

Sad. Very very sad.

Some people were leaving the movie mad at the UN, and at the United States and all of the "white countries" for not doing anything to help. And yes, I agree - more help should have been sent sooner, and these people should not have been overlooked due to the fact that it was a poor, 'insignificant' country. People were saying things such as - "man, seeing things like this makes me hate America because we think we're all high and mighty, and don't do anything to help those who have no significance or value to us...blah blah blah blah."

And this is, in my opinion a semi-true statement. But SEMI, is the key prefix there. To be honest, most of these people who I heard saying this are the same people who are saying that we shouldn't be in a war with Iraq right now because we're putting our troops in danger, and we have no business being over there, and they're saying "who are we to think that we can just go over there and destroy their country and 'take it over' blah blah blah." Well, to these people I say this: Think about what you are saying.

You are angered that we did nothing to help the people of Rwanda who were so helpless themselves, yet when we use force to help the Iraqi's who are being oppressed and killed by a threatening and dangerous leader, you get all pissy. Not only were we trying to save the country of Iraq, and free their people, we were trying to unarm a force that was a potential threat to the rest of the world. I just don't get it. Why is war so opposed sometimes, and then people see an atrocity like this made a little more glamorous and heroic by Hollywood (not that his real-life actions weren't heroic b/c they DEFINITELY were), and we somehow get these anti-American sentiments that we are a country that does nothing to help people. I understand that a lot of people believe that there were more alterior motives to going to war than to just plain and simple help people - and who knows - maybe there were (ok there probably were), but the fact of the matter is that we have helped liberate a people who's lives were being made miserable by a sick man named Saddam...and that is good. We as a country aren't purely monsterous. Our troops are doing good things. Our troops are saving lives. Perhaps millions. Perhaps we are stopping a movie from being made 10 years from now that tells of a monsterous Iraqi leader who slowly but surely destroyed pieces of the world.

I dunno...just some thoughts that made me go hmmmmm....

But yea, it's a really good movie. Eye opening that's for sure. It makes me wonder why we seem to never hear about these things that go on in other parts of the world. There are pages and pages and pages in the newspaper about Tiger Woods when he wins the Master's and there are weeks upon weeks of coverage of the Pope when he dies (not trying to be disrespectful here, b/c I know it's a pretty huge deal), but, seriously - a MILLION people were slaughtered and I heard nothing about it (granted I was only 11 and probably wouldn't have noticed it anyways - but you'd think I'd have learned about it in history or something). It makes me realize yet again how much control the media has. How limited my knowledge is without "credible" news sources. How much of the media is strictly political? WAY too much of it is.

Ahhh, politics. How senseless they are. I see the point in them, yet don't all at the same time. I see the benefits of it, and I see the perverseness of it all at the same time. I see the corruptness, and the flaws, and I see the heroism and the positive things it serves.

I could never be a politician. Political debates are one thing that I may discuss in a later blog. This one seems to be getting kind of long. I didn't mean for it to get all political - or to be completely about a touchy subject like war - but hey, my fingers just typed out what my brain was spittin' out.

Any comments?

On a lighter note - don't you love how you can see certain people or hangout with them or talk to them for a few minutes and just instantly get in an amazingly wonderful mood? I wonder why that is? I love it.

Oh, and if anyone works for a video game company, you should consider putting Carla and I in mortal combat video games, because tonight we put on play fights in our room and jumped from bed to bed in slow motion and stuff for a good 20 minutes, and were seriously AMAZING. Or we were really bad, but it was super funny (I seriously almost peed in my pants 3 times) and a good time was had by all.

It's been a great day...and a great night hanging out with great people (such as ALL of my roomates, yes all of them at one time, and L. Tate, and Brianne Siciliano)...and yea. Life is good. People make me smile.

Love to all.

Here goes...

Well, I've decided to create a blog. I've had one before, but it seemed to die pretty quickly. I make no promises with this one either, but perhaps a few posts will be made here and there.

I will admit, I'm not one to openly share my personal thoughts or feelings with people, so who knows what this will be full of, but I guess we'll soon find out. And when I say "we'll" I mean, myself and anyone who may happen to stumble across this and care to take the time to read it.

So yea, here goes...

I hope you enjoy your time spent inside this little mind.