an overflow

Matters of the heart are of utmost importance. It's as simple as that. Whether you think it is something large or something small, if it affects your heart, it is important. The heart is the wellspring of life, therefore if anything is troubling it, your life will be automatically affected. Hence, everything that affects the heart is important, no matter its apparent size or grandeur.

Today I got to discuss matters of the heart for hours with one of my best friends in the whole world, and it was INCREDIBLE. It is difficult to express with words how great it felt to be able to sit and talk for hours upon hours upon hours with someone about the things that matter the most. Pure honesty. Raw emotion. Hearts exposed of their struggles, fears, confusion, questions, vulnerability, instability, and need.

I got the pleasure of sitting in a deli/ice cream shop with AJ Jordan for close to 4 hours today - and in that time there was non-stop talking. I couldn't tell you what she got for Christmas, I couldn't tell you anything about the trip she is about to take to Europe for a month, I couldn't tell you anything about the mission trip she just got back from, I couldn't tell you what she ate for breakfast, or what she's doing until she leaves to go overseas, but I could tell you what she has been struggling with the most in the past 6 months, I could tell you things she's been pondering, things she's questioned, her "theories" on life, and other 'matters of the heart.' And I guarantee you she couldn't tell you what Santa Claus brought me, what I've been learning in school, if I've taken up any new hobbies or have any boy interests, but she would hit the nail on the head if you asked her what has been crying out from my heart for the past few days/weeks/months. If you ask her my number one fear, or struggle, or what it is that makes me break down and cry the most lately, or what it is that drives me or what some of the desires of my heart are - she would know. She would know my thoughts on life now, and life in the future...she would know things I've been questioning, she would know what my latest realizations about myself would be. She would know what I'm working to improve, what I am trying to rid myself of, etc. And that, my friends...is comforting.

It is comforting to know that there is someone who is feeling the same thing, who knows the weight of love, who knows the pain a deep longing can bring, who knows something so deep it can't be expressed with words. It is comforting to be able to talk to someone who is struggling with some of the same things, who has some of the same questions, and who truly cares what you are feeling even if no answer or remedy can be given...no matter how big or small it may seem. It was nice to have a listening ear and someone to tell me it was OK to let the tears well up and let myself feel. It was an encouragement to get to sit across the table and know that there was a level of trust and a level of respect and a level of understanding there no matter how long it had been since we have had a meaningful conversation like this. My heart needed to just be able to overflow, and I am thankful for having someone be able to sit across from me and just let me talk and let me listen and let love be spilled over and felt.

We are so similar, AJ and I. Our relationship is so funny, yet so real and so valued. We have so many desires that God has given us that we don't know what to do with or how to act upon them, but it is awesome. No matter how often (or not often) we talk, or how much we see each other it is nice to know that our adventurous spirit, our sense of humor, our charming good looks (joking), and our love for God and meaningful relationships will always bring us together over a bowl of ice cream to share our "matters of the heart."

AJ, thank you for your encouragment. Know that you are in my prayers - and that you will be the first person I call when I figure out this game called "life" we're playing....not that we want to figure it out...because hey, where would the fun or adventure in that be? :-)

I will see you when I see you....and I am looking forward to it.

World, here we come. Running, skipping, walking, crawling, tripping and stumbling all the while....