an excerpt

"...Was never voice of ours could say
Our inmost in the sweetest way,
Like yonder voice aloft, and link
All hearers in the song they drink.
Our wisdom speaks from failing blood,
Our passion is too full in flood,
We want the key of his wild note
Of truthful in a tuneful throat;
The song seraphically free
Of taint of personality,
So pure that it salutes the suns
The voice of one for millions,
In whom the millions rejoice
For giving their one spirit voice...."

-George Meredith

an overflow

Matters of the heart are of utmost importance. It's as simple as that. Whether you think it is something large or something small, if it affects your heart, it is important. The heart is the wellspring of life, therefore if anything is troubling it, your life will be automatically affected. Hence, everything that affects the heart is important, no matter its apparent size or grandeur.

Today I got to discuss matters of the heart for hours with one of my best friends in the whole world, and it was INCREDIBLE. It is difficult to express with words how great it felt to be able to sit and talk for hours upon hours upon hours with someone about the things that matter the most. Pure honesty. Raw emotion. Hearts exposed of their struggles, fears, confusion, questions, vulnerability, instability, and need.

I got the pleasure of sitting in a deli/ice cream shop with AJ Jordan for close to 4 hours today - and in that time there was non-stop talking. I couldn't tell you what she got for Christmas, I couldn't tell you anything about the trip she is about to take to Europe for a month, I couldn't tell you anything about the mission trip she just got back from, I couldn't tell you what she ate for breakfast, or what she's doing until she leaves to go overseas, but I could tell you what she has been struggling with the most in the past 6 months, I could tell you things she's been pondering, things she's questioned, her "theories" on life, and other 'matters of the heart.' And I guarantee you she couldn't tell you what Santa Claus brought me, what I've been learning in school, if I've taken up any new hobbies or have any boy interests, but she would hit the nail on the head if you asked her what has been crying out from my heart for the past few days/weeks/months. If you ask her my number one fear, or struggle, or what it is that makes me break down and cry the most lately, or what it is that drives me or what some of the desires of my heart are - she would know. She would know my thoughts on life now, and life in the future...she would know things I've been questioning, she would know what my latest realizations about myself would be. She would know what I'm working to improve, what I am trying to rid myself of, etc. And that, my friends...is comforting.

It is comforting to know that there is someone who is feeling the same thing, who knows the weight of love, who knows the pain a deep longing can bring, who knows something so deep it can't be expressed with words. It is comforting to be able to talk to someone who is struggling with some of the same things, who has some of the same questions, and who truly cares what you are feeling even if no answer or remedy can be given...no matter how big or small it may seem. It was nice to have a listening ear and someone to tell me it was OK to let the tears well up and let myself feel. It was an encouragement to get to sit across the table and know that there was a level of trust and a level of respect and a level of understanding there no matter how long it had been since we have had a meaningful conversation like this. My heart needed to just be able to overflow, and I am thankful for having someone be able to sit across from me and just let me talk and let me listen and let love be spilled over and felt.

We are so similar, AJ and I. Our relationship is so funny, yet so real and so valued. We have so many desires that God has given us that we don't know what to do with or how to act upon them, but it is awesome. No matter how often (or not often) we talk, or how much we see each other it is nice to know that our adventurous spirit, our sense of humor, our charming good looks (joking), and our love for God and meaningful relationships will always bring us together over a bowl of ice cream to share our "matters of the heart."

AJ, thank you for your encouragment. Know that you are in my prayers - and that you will be the first person I call when I figure out this game called "life" we're playing....not that we want to figure it out...because hey, where would the fun or adventure in that be? :-)

I will see you when I see you....and I am looking forward to it.

World, here we come. Running, skipping, walking, crawling, tripping and stumbling all the while....

pondering significance

Tell me if you agree or disagree with this statement:

A very large determinent of significance is time.

Time is an investment....and you invest in things that are significant in your life, right? You make time for it, you want to spend time with it, etc.

For instance: if someone or something is really significant to you, you will spend a lot of time with it or them. You will make time for it. You will want to invest time into them. (and this doesn't have to be face to face time...it could be through the phone or emails or whatever...just putting time or exerting effort to put time into a relationship)

I'm mostly thinking about relationships here, and people, and things of that variety, rather than materialistic "stuff" that may be significant in your life, although I think it pretty much works the same way.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic if you have them. Or if you can think of something that shows someone they are significant in your life that is bigger than time - let me know that also. Thanks.

Bojangles.

God showed me His faithfulness and His grace yesterday in such a crazy, yet amazing way. He definitely knows my heart and cares, and He proved it to me yesterday through a fast-food restaurant. How great is our God?

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts"

-William Shakespeare

a long road

Man, what a whirlwind of a few days -- a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions -- but there is now perhaps more of an understanding, more of an acceptance, and a slightly different outlook on some things. Being alone in a car for awhile, and escaping to be alone with your thoughts and tears while driving is definitely needed and very nice sometimes.

gradu-what??

This is a shout out to my friend Mego, who apparently ritualistically checks this blog without me ever knowing it. Congrats on graduating buddy...glad you made it across that stage more safely than you got across the living room this morning. :-)

just call me G.I. Jane

Well folks, it's official: I am a lean, mean, fighting machine. If you give me a gun, that is. In the past 2 days I've had the chance to shoot 2 pistols...random, I know. Granted, one of them was a fake pistol on a video game at Frankie's Fun Park, but today, for the first time ever I shot a real handgun! Crazy, I know. You're probably asking, who in their right mind would let me hold, let alone shoot a pistol at a target...and well, it was my daddy.

Today we went out in his truck to the old plant where he used to work, because he still does some work out there. It's closed down, and has a ton of land on the Saluda River -- so we were drivin' down through the woods and he looks over and says "you ever shot a pistol?" I respond "no" in which case he says "do you want to?" Of course I wanted to, so we pull down by the river deep into the woods, he gets his pistol and bullets out (yea, I shot a gun with real bullets - it still boggles my mind) and we set up a piece of scrap metal up against some trees. He teaches me how to do it, and then I get to pull the trigger. It was really fun, although weird to hold a thing of such power in my hands.

I had pretty good aim after I got the hang of it...maybe the Frankie's game (which Grant Turner annihilated me, by the way) was good practice. Who knows....all I can say is that there are way more holes in the scrap metal now than there were before I got ahold of that gun. :-)

Well, just wanted to share my big news....but don't worry guys - I'm harmless.

roses are red...

Man, love is a funny thing. I have never experienced anything as vivid or wonderful.

a silent night with loud implications...

"Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ the Savior is born

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus Lord, at Thy birth."

-Joseph Mohr

What beautiful words. Sure, we sing them every time Christmas rolls around, but have you ever stopped and really allowed yourself to dwell on them? Have you really felt them? What an embodiment of the beauty of Christ's birth, of the majesty of His character, of the splendor He truly is. Imagine yourself there; insert yourself into this beautiful picture and let your mind take you back...way back, into this tiny little town called Bethlehem, the night a King was being born..that silent, holy night.

"Black Rock"

"The black rock is where I spend my time
Writing a memory or writing a rhyme
Thinking about what is right or wrong...

Sometimes I just look around to take in the feeling coming out from the ground
But that's just something I do sometimes
And then I just step out the door to take in the wind coming off of the shore
And that's just what I'm doing tonight"
-OAR


Today was my first "official" day of winter break since finishing up exams yesterday, and I knew I wanted to go somewhere today and just be able to sit and relax and think and read and do all of the things that I often feel robbed of during the hectic pace of the semester. I also knew this place I was going to do this had to be outside...somewhere beautiful...somewhere away from noise and away from this everyday world. A sort of safe haven, or my "black rock" as OAR puts it. I haven't been able to roam the city as much as I wish yet since being here - so I didn't exactly know where this place was going to be. I set out to find it today, knowing as I walked out the door with my backpack full of the necessities (pen, notepad, bible, book) on that I may very well not find it this particular day and that today I may have to settle for somewhere a little more "ordinary" since it was the first day of my search.

Boy, was I wrong. After driving around and discovering a little more of ole "Jim Island," as my grandmother likes to call it, I finally stumbled across my black rock. It couldn't have been any more perfect. As soon as I got settled, I pulled out my notepad and began to write...here is an excerpt from what I scribbled down:

'Serenity. The word that comes to mind as I lay here in the sand. The ocean in front of me beautifully pounding the rocks. No sound but the crash they make as they hit and splatter 5 feet in the air. An old lighthouse standing strong out in the ocean, yet looking tired and faded by the salt and sunlight. I am laying up in the dunes. My feet stretched out in front of me with a little sand on the tips of my tennis shoes as a mark of the walk to get here. My back leans against a dune and is more comfortable than any sofa could ever be. Nature. It is beautiful. The tall grass is blowing in the breeze around me....there is a purple haze breaking the canopy of blue that is extending up from the ocean that turns into a deeper blue as it crawls upward. Way up in the sky are the white ones, streaking and fluffy. The sun is behind me, a sign that the day will be coming to a close shortly. I can feel the chill of the sand on my back as it penetrates the thickness of my sweatshirt. Silence rolls along with the ocean. How did I get so lucky as to stumble upon this little piece of heaven? I surely have been blessed.'

Their is a little more scribbled upon the pages of my notebook, mostly including how great it is to get to experience the fullness of the universe that our awesome God created, and how that, in my opinion, is living. Letting yourself experience God's creation and just being filled with His glory as you breathe in the salty, damp air.

I encourage you all to find your own little "black rock," whether it be in your backyard or up in a tree (which would be REALLY cool...I wanted to find a cool tree to go climb and sit in today soo badly, but I haven't found the perfect one yet) or in a coffee shop somewhere...anywhere that you can go escape from the lull of your everyday life and experience the fullness of our Lord in a way that is a little out of the ordinary for you. It's nice. Trust me.

beautiful tears...

I got to experience something really beautiful today. I got the pleasure of listening to my two best friends cry. You may be thinking, "did you say 'beautiful,' Katie?" Yes...beautiful. No, I don't like that either of them were brought to tears, nor do I enjoy in the slightest when either of their hearts feel even a twinge of pain - but to be able to listen to their hearts overflow...and feel their raw emotion...and be able to hurt with them, or be lonely with them, or broken with them was amazing. To have friends in your life that you care about so much that you hurt when they hurt is such an amazing gift from God. To have friends in your life who aren't scared to let you see their tears (or hear them, in these cases, since it was over the phone), and who willingly share them with you is simply...beautiful. Each of them had completely different situations, completely different reasons for the tears, and were in completely different parts of the country.....but having the pleasure of knowing each of their hearts so well to be able to understand where they were coming from - and to be able to have the opportunity to be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on was simply beautiful. Though tears streaming down a face aren't particularly welcomed on all occassions by those whose cheeks are being stained....they are welcomed on my shoulder any day they are needed to be cried.

bitter sweet

My best friend lives in LA now. Talk about tough to swallow sometimes.