through a tear soaked shirt I wonder what has become of it. I cry in agony over words written 3 years and 22 days ago. Tears soak the pages. The words are written so beautifully, so simply, so pure. It was a deception. I am not what was depicted - I was a seed cast in the shadows. And God is screaming at me, 3 years later. God is making me look in the mirror again. Past what the world may see. He is ripping open the wounds, and the blood is covering me. But it isn't my blood this time. My blood left stains...the kind of stains that you hate. the kind of stains that ruin something beautiful. that never go away, and can never be forgotten. But this blood is different. This is the blood of my Father. The blood that purifies all unrighteousness. And as I was encouraged to do 3 years and 22 days ago, I will "stop talking about being pure in heart and living a rightoues life" but I will strive for it daily. I want to be one of the flowers depicted...I want to stand beautifully in the garden, and see my Maker smile.

"We will never have pure hearts unless we do whatever it takes to consistently get ourselves into the presence of God."

I'm sitting on the porch in the midst of a storm. I just heard the longest rumble of thunder I think I have ever heard, and it was awesome. It is windy, and pouring down rain, and thunder and lightening all around. Yet there is a sense of peace about it all. I love it. I watched it roll in as I was playing frisbee with a friend, and watched it turn from a sunny afternoon to almost nightfall in seemingly minutes. It is amazing how powerful God is, isn't it?

I haven't written on this thing in a while, it seems. I don't know why, sometimes I just fall out of the writing mood.

I had a thought yesterday, that I may try to implement. I am going to try to set a daily (or weekly) "goal" for myself. Things are so much more attainable that way. For instance, I REALLY need to start eating more vegetables, so setting a goal for myself to eat at least 3 servings of vegetables on Monday. You know how it goes...that way it doesn't seem unattainable or out-of-reach. I dunno...just a thought. Perhaps I will put it into practice soon.

I have really been in the mood to play lately. I really think I could play every single day and be totally happy. Even if it's just for 15 minutes. I need to toss a frisbee, or a baseball, or kick a soccer ball, or do something...anything. It is an urge every single day. I love the urge...just wish I had more people around Charleston to play with. I'm glad Mark is the same way...because every time we are together, there is play involved. I love it. I like that God made me tick this way.

Speaking of God, He's really cool. Just thought I'd throw that one in there.

I am reading a great book right now by Max Lucado, called "Traveling Light." It is a journey through Psalm 23, and it's really insightful. It's about dropping all of your "baggage" and experiencing freedom in Christ. I've never read a Max Lucado book, and I'm really enjoying it. I am eager to finish though, because I want to start my next one, "What's So Amazing About Grace?" It's actually Danny's book and he loaned it to me about 2 and a half years ago...and I still haven't made it past chapter 1. But, I am determined to dig into it soon. Especially after hearing my pastor recommend it and speak extremely high of it in his sermon this past Sunday.

Speaking of, John Reeves is an AMAZING pastor. I could seriously listen to him talk about God for hours on end. He is so deeply entwined in the Lord that the Holy Spirit just pours out of him. He preaches striaght from the Bible. Doesn't preach sermons on "the five F's of Christianity" or "the ABC's of loving your neighbor" or whatever - he teaches verse by verse and just digs out so much from the pages. He is so in love with God that it makes me want to love God so much more...because I can see it in him. I can see the passion, and the desire, and the struggle, and the growth, and the knowledge. I dunno...I am just so encouraged every time I am able to hear him speak. Sunday he was speaking on Galations 5, and on truly being free in Christ, and what that means. He dug into what he called "the far right Christians" who are such rule-followers that they can't experience the true love of Christ that He meant for us to experience, because they beat themselves up every time they screw up, and "the far left Christians" who take "freedom in Christ" as meaning they can sin all they want and it's ok because they are forgiven. It was extremely insightful.

I really like my boyfriend. He sent me a "just because" card this week that was amazingly sweet. It was really funny too. The front of the card said "Remember, it's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milk-bone underwear." Anyway - he's great, so I thought I'd throw that out there. We went shaggin' on the 4th of July, and straight tore up the dance floor.

In other news, I am trying to figure out my life, and where I will be going from January-April for my clinicals. January-February looks like it may turn out to be either Spruce Pine, NC, or Salem New Hampshire. Those are my top 2 choices anyway, so we'll see where the lottery (and God) chooses for me to go.

The rain is slowing down now. The thunder has quieted. It feels delightful.

There are only 54 more days left until kickoff of Tiger Football, so go ahead and get excited. Goodness knows I am. OK well, it's Wheel-of-Fortune time, and my friend is on there every night on the "Wheel-Watchers" club commercial...so I'm gonna go turn on the tv and laugh at her a bit. haha.

Peace......

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