never before in my life have I felt....


this.

the switch is turned off
suddenly
i find myself standing in the dark
my eyes shift blindly
to try and regain focus
to try and make sense of it all
the familiar has faded
the images are now obscure
and all that is left
is a memory of what was
and a hint of what could be
if only...

the real thing.

Tonight on the way to church I got to talk to a good buddy of mine. We haven't gotten a chance to talk in a while, and don't talk very often anymore - but it is always pleasant when we do. Tonight we only got to talk for about 10 minutes, but the awesome thing about it was that 3 minutes of those were chit-chat, and about 7 were "real-chat."

In that short amount of time I really didn't learn all that much about his day to day stuff, except that he's enjoying his kids he's teaching right now, and a few of his future plans...but I did learn a lot of his thoughts on well...love. Basically because I asked him for them.

We pretty much have a cut to the chase relationship. It's great. We're real and appreciate each other's thoughts and opinions. It's like he said - we see eye to eye so well that it's almost like we're a long lost brother and sister.

It's nice to have a relationship like that. One where you know you won't talk often because life takes you in different directions, but one that you know will always always always be honest. No masks, no nothing. In that 10 minutes we talked about some of our similar fears, and hopes, and confusions, and well...just life.

The great thing about it was that when I got to church, the sermon was about "taking off your masks" with each other. About being real. About stopping trying to make people believe that you're always happy-go-lucky...and being real with one another. Sharing your thoughts and concerns and fears with one another.

It's nice to have friends like that....so if you don't have somebody you can be real with - really seek that out. It's amazing what the Lord can do with it. It doesn't even have to be a best friend or somebody that you talk to all the time - but I guess it comes down to letting yourself be real and take off the mask for a little while. Even if it's just for 7 minutes in the car driving, talking to an old friend you rarely speak to anymore. It's quite refreshing.

love. simply.

you can never love too much. pour it out. keep pouring it out. even when you feel like you have nothing to offer. even when it feels so hard to give. even when you feel like it goes unnoticed. or when you feel like it falls on the rocks. when you are weary. when you are hurting. keep pouring. keep giving. keep serving. keep caring. never stop. LOVE. always.

a state of:

These past 2 months I've felt a lot of extremes of emotions.

extremely....

excited.
abandoned.
tired.
hurt.
loved.
ignored.
crazy.
peaceful.
passionate.
lost.
intelligent.
confused.
embraced.
alone.
carefree.
relaxed.
scared.
terrified.
nervous.
disatisfied.
content.
low.

life is hard. life is always changing. usually with one of those extremes comes a whole heap of other ones. emotions often seem to get in the way...but without them, would we truly be living?

right now the weight of emotion has created tears welling in my eyes....

it's crazy how much those can encompass. how they can be from excitement or from pain.

complexity abounds.

amazing....

Soooooooo, this morning I wake up to this IM left for me by my friend Erin Mathis....it made me laugh in the 6 o'clock hour while I was lying in my bed. I thought I'd sharebecause it made me smile, and maybe it will make you smile too.

Dear Katie,
I love you. I hope you feel better soon. I hope you have sweet dreams when you sleep. I hope I get to see you again soon. I hope we get a lot of time together. I hope we will be best friends forever. I hope each of us has a great sex life with our husbands one day. I hope you aren't working. I hope you get to see your boyfriend. I hope a rainbow will come out for you tomorrow. I miss you

A man showed up at a Williams Bryce Stadium with a little dog with a red collar and a little garnet sweater with a Gamecock on the back. The gate
guard said "Hey, that's a cute dog, does he know any good tricks?"
The man replied, "Yes, I take him to all the games. When we beat Vanderbilt he will run from the top of the stands to the bottom, skipping every other step. When we beat Florida he will walk up and down the aisles on
his front paws. When we beat Tennessee he will turn little back flips..."
The guard smiled and said "Well, that's really something. What does he do when we beat Clemson?"
The man looked down and said, "I don't know, I've only had him 4 years."

well folks, the self-diagnosis was confirmed today by the doctor....mono it is. boooooooo.....

Sometimes in order to enjoy the warmth of the fire you have to also endure the burns.

I have had a headache for 4 days now...at least. That along with a ton of other really aggrevating signs and symptoms that make me think 'mono' a little bit. It's probably not, and I'm crossing my fingers that I will wake up in the morning feeling 100% again - but just out of curiosity - if you've ever had mono, let me know what you felt like in the beginning stages.