A funny thing just happend. My neuroscience professor puts up quotes on the board before every class - and the one today I liked a lot - and it pertains slightly to a recent post.

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."

-Benjamin Disraeli

As an aside to the previous post – I’d like to throw out another wish….I wish I had more time to think. Seriously --- I feel like all I think about these days is school, and that my brain never gets a chance for free thinking. Everybody needs a little free style action in their life…or well, that’s my vote at least.

Cross your fingers that the next time we speak I actually have intelligent, fun, thoughts and I am able to express them adequately --- if it happens it’ll be a miracle. Haha.

Emersed in Green...

I wish I could talk like I used to be able to. Really. I used to be able to coherently share my thoughts and feelings and opinions with people on a regular basis – but it seems these days that it has gotten harder to do.

I have all these thoughts inside of my head with seemingly nowhere to go. I told Bri today, that I feel like only about 30% of my thoughts actually come out of my mouth to be shared with the world --- I wish it was a little higher of a number. Not that the majority of my thoughts are important or profound, nor would many, if anybody, care to know them – I just wish that it was a little easier to do. I find it almost impossible to get them out. I just can’t seem to wrap words around them…

I have these perfectly coherent thoughts….thoughts that linger in my head for minutes or even hours at a time. I sort through them, sift around in my brain for awhile, expand upon them, negate them, and all those sorts of things – but when it comes time to verbalize anything I seem to talk myself in circles, lose my train of thought, and just flat out stumble through awkwardly. It’s hard to understand….

I think that somewhere along the way recently, my thoughts got linked to my emotions – two things that had been kept apart for oh so long. My emotions have been kept locked up tight in this vault for a very long time, and to be honest, it’s sometimes hard to understand why they seep out at the times they do. Emotions are a big time thing for me…they mean I feel…and when I feel there is a sense of vulnerability; a fear of being hurt; or not being able to seem like the strong individual I am often perceived of being. Granted, I’m pretty sure that this isn’t the only reason for my “lisping, stammering tongue” as Andrew Peterson likes to call it, but perhaps it is a contributor. I’m OK with it though – because life isn’t worth living unless you allow yourself to feel…and I’d much rather have trapped thoughts than a lifeless heart.

breathe in the cool air - let it fill your lungs completely...purely. let your eyes focus on the glow. empty yourself. be surrounded by darkness - let your feet get cold and wet. drift. get lost. be found. breathe deeply.....escape.

sometimes you just have to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle...

Wow.

I just want to toss out there how absolutely amazing it is to have someone tell you that they trust you with their heart....freely. That's huge.

bikes are fun.

Bike + Charleston + Sunny Day = FABULOUS.

So today Mike and I went and rode bikes around downtown and on Sullivan's Island for a good 4 hours or so. It was amazing. We rode by the water on the battery, down at waterfront park, around the college of charleston, down King Street, to Washington Park, some awesome back roads, out around Fort Moultrie, etc. etc. etc. We even stopped in an art gallery and talked to this awesome painter guy who was just opening up his new gallery and was lovin' life (he was a phenomenal painter, as well as a really down to earth, fun guy and I will definitely be returning to his gallery soon). Apparently they're having some big art festival thing, too - and so there were 40 some-odd people around the city on the streets w/ their canvas and paint, painting different Charleston landscapes, buildings, etc. that will be judged at a big show tomorrow night that is free to the public that I want to go to soooo bad. We stopped and talked to a girl who was painting a view from Church street, and she even let Mike add to her masterpiece by painting some of a tree. Needless to say, it was a great time, and I really really want a bike now. :-)

It was nice to be able to just chill and discover new parts of Charleston...and I've come to the consensus that this place is straight up awesome (and so are really really long bike rides).